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Queen Single and Dating

Moirar Leveille - "Self Care in Relationships"

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Love is amazing whether platonic or romantic. Besides the warm fuzzy feeling it gives us, it makes us feel wanted, seen and cared for. A lot of times we get caught up in pleasing our partner that we forget about ourselves and our needs. The same relationship blindsides us into self-neglect where we barely “see” ourselves anymore. While it is important to tend to the relationship, it is equally important to focus on you separately for your wellbeing and theirs. Here’s how you can do that.

Create me time

Your personal time is crucial when it comes to whatever forms of relationships you have. While I understand that it can feel like a selfish act, it must be done because you need to be and keep in touch with your own person. This is the time where you get to indulge in your personal hobbies and causes that define you. It also gives you the time to recharge so that you can be a better partner/friend.

Create healthy boundaries.

Everybody needs these. This is how you let people know how to treat and respect you. You need to protect your space in all three spheres (emotional, psychological and physical), and do it in a respectful manner. This helps in identifying people whose actions and interests leave you feeling bad or drained because they violate your boundaries. Knowing this, you can make a decision to distance yourself from them for your wellbeing. Any relationship minus boundaries means that your general well being is in jeopardy.

Be healed of the past.

Everybody has got scars and unhealed wounds that bust open with the slightest provocation. They often dictate how we relate with others, especially in giving and receiving attention. Past trauma is also a definitive factor when it comes to the people we accept into our lives. Our insecurities run high when we haven’t dealt with these past experiences and this compromises our efforts of being a good partner. So seek therapy to deal with this for the sake of being a better friend to yourself and others.

Having personal friends outside the relationship

Having a social life besides your relationship is a great emotional support system that contributes majorly to your health. Not only do they help you through the rough patches, they also help you remain in touch with your hobbies and the things that define you. Plus, your partner cannot fulfill all your needs. Besides mutual friends, you need some of your own to prevent codependency with your partner.

I know it is easy for guilt to consume us when we are taking time for ourselves in a relationship as it feels as if we are neglecting our partners. It often leads to hyper-fixating on our relationship to the point that we lose ourselves. Self-care is not selfishness; it is the love we deserve to give to ourselves. You need to remain whole and independent with a great sense of self for any relationship to work. Self-care is how you do that.

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